Monday, 7 July 2014

Boy stuff!

It can't be easy for Small Boy growing up in a house full of girls, even the pets are all female!
It isn't surprising that he frequently 'kicks off' in some way in an attempt to define himself and stake his position and manliness.
As a widow it's not easy being the mother and father too. Although I try to think of 'boyish' activities, I ultimately function in 'girl land'. It would be easy (and tempting) you would imagine for the boy to just hang up his hat and join in with our 'girly' capers, but no....and all praise to him. He continues to function as as he intends which is frequently often much to our disgust!
Although all three of us girlie's often feel rather grossed out by the actions of the boy, we realise and accept that he is wired slightly differently to us and generally that's okay
I thought I'd share a few of his recent antics with to those of you who parent or who have previously parented boys, these antics may not come at all as a surprise, if prepared to be shocked, disgusted and grossed out ...sorry!

So, the boy is showing creative engineering potential. This has taken the form of numerous trips to the skip to obtain much needed resources for his creative trailer projects which are continuously constructed, tested, dismantled, reconstructed, re-tested and so it goes on.....I''ve tried in vain to return to the skip the old mixer taps, lengths of chicken wire, washing machine hoses and unidentified metal objects, but at the end of the day they are all back in the garden gracing the lawn once more in some new form of contraption.

A couple of weeks ago I left the boy with a good friend who like me parents in a very relaxed way. The boy greeted me on my return with a very excited smile as he had been down to the local stream and had collected a dead crayfish. This was the beginning of his recent fascination with dead things!
The crayfish was one of our native ones which are becoming increasingly rare in our British waters since the American Signals were introduced. We've spent much time in the past observing them and even catching them. You can eat them if you so desire....not my cup of tea but still, the boy likes the idea.
The crayfish in question looked pretty safe to me being dead and in a glass jar filled with water. I was sure there was no harm to his possessing it for a short while. How wrong! It wasn't long before the water was cloudy from all the shaking it was exposed to and the opening and closing of the jar wafted the gentle 'fishy' aroma around. The girls were not in the slightest bit amused when they were chased with it and I certainly wasn't impressed when the cloudy, crayfish ridden water was spilled in the car!

The weekend before last saw the arrival of two dead bunnies (one headless). Yes we thought it rather sad too. One doesn't like to think of the family pooch having pursued the poor things but it's certainly a possibility. Two dead bunnies held up in the doorway....hmmmm we all went from 'arrrr poor things' mode to rapidly ushering the boy off to areas new. It would have been nice to have thought that he might have taken the bunnies off to give them some kind of decent burial and he did make a grave of sorts. An open grave in an old tyre covered with the barbecue grill and a small flower pot. Of course I questioned his motives and he said he wanted to watch the darlings decompose. Not opposed to the learning experience I didn't disagree, but the next day when I ventured out for a spot of garden loveliness I almost vomited at the sight of the dog munching happily on the head of the previously intact creature - not a pleasant sight to see she had avoided the eyeballs!
With my face held to one side and plastic bags on each hand, I snaffled the (now fragrant) carcasses and disposed of them in the wheelie bin!
Within hours one very angry Small Boy had exhumed the bunnies remains from the bin and relocated them to the tyre......hmmmmm!
The next day, having failed to recall the previous days events due to frequency of such moments, I invite a friend to dine in the beautiful outdoors with me. Of course the garden is filled with the aroma of rotting flesh (not good for the appetite) - maggot ridden remains flew to undisclosed location - garden now free of essence of death - for the moment!

Friday, Small Boy returned home from a gentle stroll around the lake with a friend with a new surprise - a pike. It was a momentous sight to see him standing by the gate with the foot long specimen dangling from the stick on which it was impaled. Mmmmm the scent of fish is not one of my favourite smells. Holding my breath and with my hand covering my nose and mouth, I managed to admire the catch whilst holding back the gag reflex. The Boy had removed his socks and shoes and become quite muddy in his venture to rescue the already dead exhibit. Clothes are for playing in and if a little dirt is involved - all the better!

Anyway, as you can imagine, after discussing the reasons why he couldn't eat the pike for tea, he wanted a bucket for it. The neighbours were called from their homes to admire the splendid creature and it wasn't long before kitchen knives were requested and the gutting commenced. I was informed the last supper had been something green!
Of course the fish hung around for two days before disappearing to the base of the wheelie bin (hidden in a tied bag).

This weekend events have been rather tame in comparison to the dead antics of last week. Last night I busied myself with work of the stitching nature quite oblivious to what was occurring in my surrounding domain. It wasn't until I made the journey to bed that I discovered the ingenious web woven throughout the house. One Small Boy had rather cleverly rigged up a whole system of string to several of the doors to enable him to close them from a distance. rather clever I thought, so you see not all antics are of a disgusting nature, this one had me smiling as I drifted off to the land of nod.

1 comment:

  1. Unfortunately interest in dead creatures is not restricted to boys- at least not in our house. Naomi found a dead bird down our road and bought it home to be her pet- Esther and I took a long time to persuade her that dead creatures are not suitable pets and will end up decomposing and infested with maggots. We eventually persuaded her to bury it- wrapped in suitable grave clothes so I didn't have to look at it whilst digging. Much soap and water followed......much to her disgust.